Okay, This Time For Real

My friends,
Comixdood420 here, perpetrator of the little joke that has landed us all smack dab in the middle of the tempestuous world of the daily funnies. As with all jokes, there was a little kernel of truth inside the humour, which in this case means that my erstwhile compatriot Comicsgurl69 and I are going to take this trip for real. It had to happen. It was what everyone wanted. The idea's been getting tossed around for a while now. It was time. For this inaugural post we'll begin with a rundown of the comics, one by one, giving y'all a little sense of where we're coming from. I know everyone has their own methods of reading the comics: places, times of day, obsessive compulsive reading orders (me, I do the Sundays front page, back page, inside, then the inserted page last, because it's got the best strips), but we're going to do this shit top down, in order, like proper funnies fascists. Here goes:

DOONESBURY - Garry Trudeau
Logan: Excellent. The only comic in the Chronicle funny pages that deals with politics in an interesting or useful way. Creates characters with which one identifies and cares about. On the other hand, Garry doesn't really need my support.

Dan: Definitely a winner. Maybe not as scathing as it was 20 years ago, but then look at the Rolling Stones. Doonesbury's holding up pretty well by comparison. Why Logan identifies with Zonker I'm not really sure, but she said it, not me.

FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE - Lynn Johnston
Logan: In some ways Micah was right when he said that this is the best comic out there. The Pattersons are like a second family to me, and I'm more emotionally invested in their well-being than I am in the well-being of ANY other cartoon family to be found in the newspaper. On the other hand, is this truly a good comic? Or do I only care because I've grown up with them? p.s.: Rest assured that April's sex life will be a hot topic here at Righteous Comics.

Dan: I love FBorFW, always have. Remember when April was born? Remember when Farley died? Whew. But how come some imaginary fifteen year old Canadian girl is getting more sugar than me??

Logan: I think what you meant to say was "More sugar than I."

RHYMES WITH ORANGE - Hilary B. Price
Logan: I really liked this comic when I was 14. On the other hand, I like it OK now.

Dan: I really hated this comic when I was younger. I don't think it existed when I was 14. That makes me feel old... but not as old as the middle aged women in this comic seem to feel. Now I find it charming, and sometimes hilrious, though the boobs are drawn weird.

LIO - Mark Tatulli
Logan: When Lio first replaced the Boondocks c. four months ago, I tried to give it a chance. I defended it when my fellow comics afficionados told me it sucked. Then I realized: Lio sucks. Honestly, it's the same shit day after day. Get a fresh idea, Tatulli!

Dan: Yeah, what is this, Marmaduke?? We get it, the kid's a goth, the dog is fucking huge... same old shit.

Logan: On the other hand... no, Lio is really the boringest comic on the page.

Dan: I think what you meant to say was "Most boring comic on the page."

SALLY FORTH - Steve Alaniz and Francesco Marciuliano
Logan: I've just learned that this comic is executed by two men. Weird. All I have to say is, if writer Francesco Marciuliano is anything like our hero Ted Forth, I'd like to get to know him. Intimately. On the other hand... no, Ted Forth is really the righteousest dude on the page.

Dan: .............Words fail me. I look up to a select few men in the world as paragons of Virtue and Excellence: AWK, Special Agent Dale Cooper,* Bill S. Preston Esq. and Ted Theodore Logan... but I think perhaps one man stands atop the entire pantheon. I mean sure, Faye fucking rules, and Jackie is emerging as a force for awesomeness, and even Ralph has a distinct place in my heart (N.B.: an amazing game one can play is to try and cast the film version. Hours of fun, I can and will prove it). Ted Forth is not just, as he claims, "one righteous dude." He is THE righteous dude. We'll talk more about this later. I'm feeling whelmed with emotion.

Logan: You're a dork.

Dan: What do you think it means that there are two Teds on my list? What would happen if Ted and Ted hung out? Why does Sally always have that smug expression on her face?

* Logan: There only two men, fictional or otherwise, whose hands I would accept in marriage. Ted Forth comes in a close second to Dale.

THE FUSCO BROTHERS - J.C. Duffy
Logan: I like this strip. On the other hand, it often makes me very uncomfortable.

Dan: I feel exactly like Logan, except for the part about liking it. And is it 'Fuh-sco' or 'Foo-sco' or what the fuck? Next time I'll bust out my SIL IPA fonts and we can really get to down to phonetic brass tacks. Until then, where's Ben? He might be the only true devotee of this weirdo-fest.

That's all until next time. On a parting note, Logan would like to thank everyone for their immensely overwhelming response to the joke-blog, and let each of the hundreds of people who begged that Righteous Comics not meet an ignominious end as a practical joke, dissipating into the ether, but would rather ride the inter-winds to an eminent place amongst the celestial peaks of cyber-Olympus know that their support will not go unnoticed or unrewarded. Dan is feeling nostalgic for comics which are no longer with us, and will simply sign off by saying,
Pining for the Pinhead.
D&L April 26, 2007