Lychees and Leeches

At one point, following a rather unpleasant incident during my recently completed epic sojourn to the East -er West?- a shaft of sunlight broke through the Himalayan mist to bless me with a moment of SHEER LITERARY GENIUS. Thus illuminated both physically and psychically, I turned to my dear companion Alex and said "If I was going to write a blog post about my trip to India, I would call it "Lychees and Leeches." He congratulated me on the brilliance of my poetic mind and we continued on our sweaty way. Now, this title would probably be more apt for a per-blog in which I wrote about my "life-experiences", or some crap like that. Don't worry, I will not be regaling you with tales of natural wonder and cultural exchange, I just couldn't resist the word play. Instead, I shall bless you with a description of the 'mix to be found in the English language newspapers available in Calcutta. There are two of them, both purchased daily from the newspaper-wallah (little cultural info dudes: that's the guy who sells newspapers) who hawks his wares outside Alex's home. They were obtained largely for the purpose of doing the crossword in a swell, air-conditioned breakfast joint called the Calcutta Tea Table, which served real coffee, if you asked for it extra strong. You could also glean maybe a tiny little bit of national news, definitely see about what your fave cricket star was up to, and also learn right-quick that Paris Hilton was taking two hits and passing backstage at Coachella. As was my anthropological duty, I read the 'mix.

First off, there's the Calcutta Times.

Disturbingly, the 'mix are laid-out differently on different days. Sometimes they're all up in one corner! Sometimes they're all in one column along the edge of the page! How's a strategic 'mix reader supposed to maintain her reading habits? (Note: I am not actually a strategic 'mix reader, I read L2R T2B like a normal person. But I know this issue is an important for some of us.) Anyways, here's what they've got, top to bottom on a column day:

GARFIELD - Good choice! A bit behind the current storyline, it's that one about the senile petsitter when Jon and Liz are on a date.

BEAU PEEP - This strip is of British origin, and concerns the travails of a filthy chef and his really bizarrely dressed customer. From what I gleaned over reading about four strips, it just consists of the cook saying wierd things to the customer. I was kind of into it. Actually, never mind, I just looked at the website and it turns out there are way more characters than I thought and I lost interest. Apparently that wierd guy is the title charactar, and he's some sort of military man? I can't find an image of the one strip that I really appreciated, but it goes like this: The cook says to Beau Peep, "You know what I REALLY hate about flying?"/ "That bit where you link arms and do funny kicks"/(No dialogue)/"No, hang on - that's line dancing."

BETWEEN FRIENDS - According to the internet, "Best friends Maeve, Kim and Susan all came of age in the 1970's during the height of the feminist movement. Now, in their forties, these three contemporary, modern women lean on and support each other as they deal with office politics, career issues, love, motherhood and relationships. "Between Friends" takes a humorous and contemporary look at the lives of these three women in all their angst-driven, stress-filled, caffeinated glory. " That shit was boring, and, upon learning more about it, offensive. It's doesn't reach Cathy levels of apalling-ness or anything, because it doesn't have nearly as many exclamation marks for one, and the art actually looks kinda like a sloppier FBorFW. But still...here is a sample:


Retch!

THE WIZARD OF ID - Johnny Hart R.I.P., but I don't care much for this one.

ANIMAL CRACKERS - This strip is infuriating because it totes rips off the artistic stylings of Sherman's Lagoon, and I would catch it out of the corner of my eye believing I was soon to be blessed with a hilarious sharkism, only to have my hopes dashed upon the rocks of crappiness. I guess it sometimes tries to send an important message about environmentalism, which I should hypothetically be down with, but it's hard guys, it really is:



I should note that this strip, as its title might imply, actually concerns a variety of animal species, not just fish. None or them are interesting.

ARCHIES - I don't know if the actual Archie comic books are important to America's comics heritage or whatever, but this strip is basically what would happen is Dennis the Menace and Blondie had a baby (conceptually, not the actual characters you perv), and that baby had a lamer version of Blondie's artistic stylings, and a just as annoying version of D the M's "rascally-ness."

(CLASSIC) PEANUTS - Obv choice in my opinion, no problems here.

RIPLEY'S BELIEVE IT OR NOT - Panel format, not actually a comic, so much as a some funny facts about wierd stuff accompanied by an illustration in the realist style. For example: Joshua Mueller of Lakewood, Wash owns 400 pairs of sneakers!!! He wears a different pair every day of the year!!!. I enjoyed this "comic," but the print was so tiny that it hurt my eyes.

HEALTH CAPSULE - Also panel format, also not exactly a comic. I say, "wierd." And you?



A warning: "Health capsule gives helpful information. It is not intended to be of a diagnostic nature." Also I think the art annoys me.


Um, I've only covered 90% of the daily 'mix in 1 of 2 newspapers I read on the sub-con, but I have to go to work now, and considering it's been like, 2 weeks since this blog has gotten any attention, I'm gonna publish. There is a final panel in the Times which I believe deserves some attention for sure, look for a hate-fueled post IN THE FUTURE.